“When you look in the mirror, what do you see?
Do you like the reflection that stares back at you?
Do you accept the figure that stands before you?
I’ve struggled with these questions for many years.
2019 was in many ways a transformative year for me. I dubbed it “The Year of Letting Go.†Letting go of fear. Letting go of expectations. Letting go of shame and doubt. Letting go of self-sabotage.
In so many aspects of my personal and professional life, I found myself progressing…growing…achieving goals that have been on my ‘bucket list’ for some time. I became a homeowner, I accepted a new position at work, I presented a workshop at a national conference in Ottawa, and I performed in drag for the first time! These were just some of the few highlights that defined my 2019.
Yet through these accomplishments, there was still something missing. Something just didn’t feel complete when I would look at my reflection in the mirror.
In my year of ‘letting go,’ I realized that I was still holding onto insecurities attached to my physical self. For so long, I have held onto the perceived expectations of what the male figure should look like, especially in the gay community where it is very often hyper-sexualized. I will never be an Abercrombie & Fitch model and I will never have the ‘tight and lean swimmer’s body’ that I have always desired and in many ways I equated not possessing these physical attributes to my level of desirability and worth.
I have spent many years yo-yoing between crash diets, body cleanses, diet trends and inconsistent fitness regimes in my quest for body acceptance. I have known Boon for many years and when he started venturing into the world of boudoir and intimate lifestyle photography, I remember saying to him “One day I will model for you.†Boon replied, “Whenever you are ready, I’ll be waiting for you and we’ll make it happen.â€
Finally, roughly four years after I made that statement to Boon – I was ready.
I was tired of saying, “Next time…my body isn’t ready.†I grew tired of making excuses.
I messaged Boon expressing my interest and two days later, he was photographing me in the place that I call home.
More than anything that I accomplished in 2019, I feel that doing this photoshoot truly embodied the meaning of letting go. With each garment of clothing that I took off and with each click of the camera, I was letting go of the fears, expectations, shame, doubt and self-sabotage that I have associated with my body and image for so long.
I was exposed.
I was vulnerable.
As time passed, the nerves were soon replaced with comfort. It was truly an empowering experience.
Later that night, Boon posted a little teaser on his Instagram story with a few shots from the session. I was left speechless. Looking at the images, at the way Boon captured all of me, I almost felt like tearing up.
I felt special.
I felt desired.
I felt beautiful.
I felt worthy.
I realized that it was time to start embracing and accepting all that is authentically me – every pound, every scar, very perceived imperfection on my body tells a piece of my story that has made me the person I am today.
When I look at my reflection in the mirror today, I am proud.â€
~ Michael
(Music credit: Till The End of Time – The Black Skirts)
This collection is a lot more personal to me because I’ve known Michael for more than a decade. He is one of many friends I first known when I first moved to Canada. As each of our life evolves, our connection has also drifted apart.
Being able to connect with him again, I truly am happy to see Michael made so many big changes in life, especially getting his own place. This last photo in the collection is my gift to Michael, it consists of my little wish to him that the next time that I photograph him, I hope there will be another person sitting on the other chair.
This specific photo was also being included into the “Our Closets” solo exhibition. If you would like to know more about my past shows and Artist Talk, come check out my new virtual exhibition website (www.boonong.com).
If you have any interest to have your very own intimate lifestyle or nude art photography session, feel free to reach out me through contact form above or message me through Instagram @bofiguratif .
As always, write me a comment too and let me know how you feel about this collection. I would really love to hear from you!