“I started nude modeling in 2012. It was partially to gain traction and a small income as a model, and partially because performative sexuality is one of my favorite pastimes. From 2012 to mid-2017, I modeled as a woman. Though I identified as genderqueer, I had always loved extremely heightened feminine sex appeal and liked my body in photographs.
In 2017, I realized that as much as I liked the still images of my sex, I didn’t like my body; not at home, not when the lights were off and not when people treated me like an adult “femaleâ€. I came to the realization that I was not just genderqueer, but that I was transmasculine. I still like looking sexy in heels and little clothing, but as a queer man.
The photographs in my portfolio were pictures of a drag queen, not a real human woman.
So I began the process of medical transition and underwent top surgery to remove my breasts. I began HRT in the fall of 2017. This means that everyday my body progresses through puberty, and each day I have carefully observed the changes in my facial features and the new low rumble in my voice. I have watched as hard dense muscles replace the softness of my estrogen body.
My portfolio is empty once again.
Every old shot is a supernatural document, pictures of a girl who never existed. This new body, the real one, is a blank canvas. I have only just begun to work through what it is to be a sex object now, not just as a boy, but as trans boy whose body exists outside of the realm of binary sex.
There are not many boudoir photographs of the non-binary body. We are barely in scientific textbooks let alone sultry bedroom spreads and it has been fascinating to see how my portfolio has become ambiguously sexual-pulling on both the feminine and masculine sides of myself.
It is a brand new challenge, and learning how to translate my identity on camera is a careful construction.
This shoot with Boon is one of the first I’ve done since seeing more dramatic changes to my body. This was one of my first experiences in shaping my musculature to a more masc intensity. Traditionally there is a harshness to masculine sex appeal, a wounded rugged sensitivity. I wanted these new practical differences, but I also wanted to try something else I could never do as a ‘female’ model:
I wanted to portray honest vulnerability, rather than performative coyness.
This internal work made this shoot somewhat of a turning point for me. I think these may be some of the first photos of William. When I look at these shots, I feel a brand new sense of recognition. Although these days I often feel adolescent and scrawny, these are pictures of me. Not of a creation or a doll I was puppeting, but pictures of boy with no clothes in the sunshine.
I am finally beginning to see him. ”
 ~ William.LaviniaÂ
Studio: Taylor Oakes Production, Toronto
(Music credit: Hold On – Olsson + Mapei)
If you have any interest on your very own intimate lifestyle or nude art photography session, feel free to reach me through contact form above or message me through Instagram @bofiguratif .
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