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Mask Stuff:
From day 1, I have been at war with my body. It took a long time to get on board with the fact that this fragmented framework is forever, but I finally did.
However it always came with a sense of dissociation from my physical form.
Yes my flesh facilitates me, but it has never felt like me.
As a result, I never had issues lending it or using it for others.
Clothes do not hang well on a 5â€3 frame, but nudity is always in style and I started attempting to control my form in an attempt to embrace my body.
The more I saw of it and the more I could do with it, the truer this came.
But I’ve always been more comfortable on camera with my fingers in my mouth rather than words coming out of them.
And like any good internet human, I have been told (by myself and others) that I need to be my brand to grow my brand.
Which means showing more than my tits, but my face and my personality.
But the dissonance between giving my physical form to photography versus my cerebral self to documentation seems strangely large (for someone who will fake orgasm to a lake).
Though entirely exposed, being naked always feels like embracing a character.
In conjunction with attempting to unpack this hangup, I was given the information I didn’t know I needed and was diagnosed as bipolar.
Being told I was medically split somehow made every nonsensical thing make more sense.
Why has it always been hard to socialize and communicate, even when I wanted to?
Why can I take my clothes off for strangers but hardly speak to my friends?
Why has it felt impossible to emote in reality and so easy to rage, cry or cum for camera?
Because I can simultaneously be bold and broken. Because I am.
I have always hated my body because it has always hated me – so that flesh bag will suffer in any way I ask it to because it owes it to me.
My brain is why I’m still alive; my mind has saved me. And the idea of sharing that is scary and more vulnerable than public vulva could ever feel.
And even though I know I need to, I’m just not ready to let it all show.
You can see my mind but I still feel like I need to wear my mask. â€
Amp up the volume (Music credit: Devils Angels – Unloved)
It is such a privilege to have worked with such an amazing artist – Taylor in this collection. She has completely thrown me off guard with the whole idea and really pushed me hard making me think. It’s exceptionally conceptual, while doing a balance act of her strong performance & concept against my quiet and simplicity approach, she really did put my improvisational skills and creativity to test. This collection really took me a while to process and I believe I have lost a lot of hair for this.
Even to have her words on my blog, that is already a true honour! If you have not check out his BLOG, I highly recommend it.
What can I say other than fun fun fun!
Let me know what you think and feel about this collection. I would really love to hear from you!